Mary Sue  2nd Year at Hogwarts
by Child of the Will
Summary: Mary Sue decides to make her entrance as a substitute teacher at Hogwarts for Harry's second year. But seems that she might not be the only one that smart.


**Disclaimer: **The Harry Potter series and characters does not belong to me in any shape or form. Unfortunatly, Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower does.

**Harry Potter 2 - Great Hall – Mary Sue Parody**

Her entrance was nothing short of spectacular. The lightening, rain and thunderous clouds which had come from nowhere, hailing her as a descending angel. She would bet that it beat Mad Eye Moody's one, not only because she had done the entrance during Harry's second year, but because he was an old ugly man and she wasn't.

The students, strangely enough, did not seem appropriately affected and in awe of her as they should have been. Most ignored her but those who took notice seemed bored and some wore pained expression on their faces. She pondered this reaction as she strode rather magnificently down the aisle, brightening in the realisation that it must have been a one sided adoration of her. Smiling beatifically as the world righted itself for her, she halted in front of the teachers' table.

A frown marred her perfect face as, despite her standing demurely in front, the Headmaster remained oblivious. He was in conversation with another staff member [Minerva McGonagall pictured according to the book's descriptions rather than the movies' actor next to him. If she hadn't made such a dramatic entrance, she would have assumed that they, like the majority of students, were deliberately ignoring her.

Forgiving them for their mistakes, she coughed twice to gain their attention. She hoped she did not sound like the Umbridge toad, which would permeantly spoil any reputation she had, regardless of the fact that Umbridge did not appear until three books later.

A voice broke in her lamentations.

'How may I help you?' Dumbledore looked almost weary for some reason but that was unimportant.

She perked up immediately.

'Hi, my name is Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower but you can call me Mari Susannah for short. I am applying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. I'm also enrolled as a student so I figure I'll do both.' She flashed her teeth at the Headmaster for the full effect.

McGonagall interrupted.

'We have already employed a Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, Miss Moonflower.'

Minerva looked moody for some reason. Maybe next time with the Time Turner she would hook Minerva up with somebody. Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia was sure it was just sexual frustration making her act this way. Dear Serverus who also looked very unhappy was probably the same way.

'Oh,' she cooed sympathetically. 'Didn't you know? Gilderoy Lockhart has been arrested and found guilty of fraud and the illegal use of Memory Charms.' She flashed another smile, blinding the room with the purity of her soul and whiteness of her teeth.

It was very hard to decide upon what Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower wanted her appearance and background to be. Thank-god the Harry Potter universe was magical. Anything was possible in this environment and she was quite proud of the outcome.

Two fuzzy white cat ears adorned her head, twitching randomly at intervals in indication of her feline heritage. Her long sleeky hair rippled down her back to create the image of waterfalls and silk. She had settled on a mysterious persona so the colour was inky black as the night, high-lighted by yellow and white, like the stars in the night sky.

Her oval face , a majestic creation, that of God's and her own imagination. Creamily pale skin, ivory as if she had never ventured into the sun. She had decided against freckles, as cute as they were, they would not enhance her image well. A pert nose and cheeks that turn fairy floss pink when blushing. He lips, rose red and ripe, that would immediately draw attention to when she talked. Her pout was undeniable and she had practised the habit of biting her lip in the mirror to encourage erotic thoughts from admirers. However, her eyes were probably the best feature. Luminous and wide, she had been unable to decide upon an appropriate colour so it changed every five minutes or so. From chestnut brown, sky blue, mesmerising purple and grass green irises, all surpassing the glow and sparkle thought to be in the Headmaster's gaze.

Her neck was elegantly connected to her face and then to an equally well-proportioned body. Ample sized breasts delved down to a small dainty waist. Her long legs, sleek and smooth, were shown to best effect in her skintight jeans. A form fitting blue top hugged all of her curves in the right places. Muggle clothes were so much better than plain wizard robes, there was more variety involved. A jewelled butterfly hung on a necklace with complementary earrings from her lobes. Silver bracelets of ancient design encircled her wrist along its delicate length. No ring graced her finger though there had been many proposals. She was an agent of love, not a participant and her role dependant on it.

A noise roused her from her in-depth contemplation of herself.

'Miss Moonflower, aware as we are of the events, _Professor _Lockhart is still staying as Hogwart's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.'

Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower was confused. They were supposed to be delighted to see her and accept her proposal immediatly and with a lot of cheering. The tired and unimpressed look from all that were paying attention was not expected. She tried to reason with them.

'But why? Surely, with all his crimes, he would be having a one way ticket to Azkaban, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred galleons.'

This was not happening. She had done everything right, and wasn't the fact that she was Dumbledore's sister, Voldemort's mother, Tonk's niece, Sirius Black's sister, direct descendant of the Potters and father is the Minister of Magic in three different countries enough for an outstanding resume. With all of her carefully chosen connections, no one should be able to throw her away, especially because she is the prophesised link between the Dark and Light Arts.

'Miss Moonflower, we find it is simply better to keep Professor Lockhart on as a staff member than not to.'

Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia's jaw was now gaping open inelegantly but no one seemed to feel there was anything wrong with that.

'But...but...he...I...' She began to stutter.

Her tragic past, as stated in her resume she had sent beforehand, should have gained sympathy from all corners. Her parents dying in a car crash in front of her when she was three, the chain of abusive, alcoholic and drug dependant caretakers from four to fifteen, violent attempts of rape at ten, all friends who weren't scared away from her bullying step-siblings murdered by a sadistic serial killer and tortured for years in a supposedly well respected club. To have survived all this with no physical marks and a strong, optimistic outlook on life was a miracle, as she was.

'Therefore any applicants are not needed and as such you are not needed.' Dumbledore finished off the explanation.

They could not do this. She was part unicorn, part veela, part elf, part vampire, part cat, part fairy, part goddess, part dragon, part mermaid, part were-wolf, part squib, part Muggle, part wizard, part Basilisk, part gnome, part goblin, part dwarf, part Human and part squid. Surely, her heritage could convince them of her power and their need to have her with them to win the final battle.

'Good day Miss Moonflower. We hope you have a nice evening.' Dumbledore was now smiling pleasantly as if the ending of their conversation was good.

Compelled and confused, Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower walked out of the Great Hall.

A sigh of relief sang out collectively.

'Okay, that's one more down. How many more are expected to show up?'

'About three hundred or so if the amount of applicant letters overflowing the mail room was any indication.'

A groan. Dumbledore patted Professor McGonagall's arm comforting.

'There, there. There are less than last year, and teachers are far more easier to turn away than 'new students'. And at least this one wasn't from overseas.'

'She probably was, just didn't get a chance to say it. But wasn't her hairstyle awful? Whoever told the Mary Sues how to get here obviously didn't instruct them in proper colour coordination.'

Outside, still confused, Mari Susannah Mayest Lily Emerald Peach Aphrodite Cleopatra Paris Gwyneth Eva Rosalyn Artemis Anastasia Moonflower cried.


End file.
